Consider the below comment:
‘For too long abusers have distorted victims’ realities and there has been no legal word or concept to expose it. Finally, we have one: gaslighting. Everyone should remember this. I have seen it happen many times in cases, and it will not stop. I expect to see it used more because it single-handedly explains victims’ experiences of abuse. The courts must address this. In this case, the judge also found that the partner raped and abused her and controlled her’
This is a comment made by a barrister (Dr Proudman), in a recent Court of Appeal case, involving an application for a child arrangements order by the father accusing the mother of having Bi-Polar Disorder, having convinced her and other third parties that this was the case. Mother, much more vulnerable in character than the articulate father, (as a direct result of his manipulation of mother throughout their relationship), ultimately doubted her own mental well-being and her sanity.
Summary of the case
Father wanted the court to seek medical evidence that this was the case, even though there was absolutely no medical diagnosis present. The judge at first instance even stated during the hearing that if her ‘behaviour’ continued the child would be adopted and go into care, leading to significant distress for the mother in the courtroom. Naturally.
It was found that she did pose a risk to the children.
Father was a mental health worker….
Mercifully, the Court of Appeal disagreed and allowed Mother’s appeal. The case was returned to the High Court where facts were then found that the father had indeed been responsible for gaslighting the mother and parity was restored with the children. Take a look at the newspaper article at the link below as a reminder.
Consequences flowing from the case
This was indeed a landmark case. And remains so. It was the first time that the term ‘gaslighting’ was legitimised in a court of law.
Time after time after time, we in the family department at HGW Solicitors and no doubt in most if not all legal practices similarly practising in the jurisdiction of England and Wales experience clients raising this now highly recognised cruel, manipulative and abusive behaviour that is now finally legitimised as domestic abuse by law.
Examples of gaslighting
Take a look at the following examples of gaslighting, raised by other legal professionals.
- Making comments or statements which are later denied by the person gaslighting.
- Questioning an individual’s memory of certain events or incidents raises doubt as to what really happened.
- Alleging that an individual is ‘imagining things’.
- Pretending not to understand what an individual is saying or refusing to listen (referred to as withholding).
- Putting an individual’s opinions or version of events down to them having ‘mental health problems’ or otherwise suggesting that their account is wrong because they are mentally unwell (which they may be but often are not).
- Forwarding the narrative that an individual is ‘crazy’ by informing others of the same, particularly professionals, friends and family.
- Invalidating an individual’s feelings (referred to as trivialising).
Striking a fair balance
The law is careful to balance allegations against the truth of course, and whilst this recognition of the term gaslighting is extremely important, it must be tempered by a full examination of the individual circumstances of any given case.
As the courts have emphasised, it is important to ‘analyse and determine the intention of the perpetrator of the alleged abuse and on the harmful impact of the behaviour’ in the context of the welfare of the children.
You can imagine, I am sure, that at times allegations of these behaviours may be difficult to prove, with counter allegations of parental alienation then placed upon you to further this ongoing manipulation.
It is commented elsewhere in legal publications that there is a fine line between gaslighting and unpleasant and rude behaviour. That is why looking at the intentions of the alleged abuser is so important when considering the welfare of the children concerned.
Then there are those partners who will accuse you of gaslighting or coercive control when it is in fact them who are the perpetrators.
There are commonly competing cross allegations, and this causes deep distress to the children in the context of seeking successful ongoing shared parental care.
Conclusion
It is the children who suffer the most in the long term. That is what the law concerns itself with.
Whatever the particular backdrop of your relationship, if you think that you have experienced similar abuse of this nature, it is essential that you come to see us or telephone us, each setting a free initial consultation with one of our experts here in the family department, to discuss how we can help you to navigate these increasingly common and distressing ongoing events.
If you believe you have experienced similar abuse, we encourage you to schedule a free consultation with one of our family law experts to discuss how we can help you navigate these increasingly common and distressing ongoing events.